The following post is part of the character development of the protagonist in the novel I am planning to write. I know it has runons, fragments, and typos but thats what the protagonist is supposed to be. He is the Harry Haller of this day.

Demons

aaaaaFUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK........

I am frustrated of my own existence. I am prone to errors that I have always agreed to but I had never thought that my capacity for self-destruction is swift and blind of my previous struggles. I stand here in the sand knees deep, and yet reluctant to move. I picked my own poison years ago as the prophecy goes. I am a victim of my own ambitions, and my doom is eminent. I am a failed experiment of the nature set somewhere in the chain of evolution; and not fit for survival. I console myself with white lies – no I its not the respect for humanity or atleast that is not what determines my actions – its my fears.
I realize my deprivations now. I remember innocent wishes of that child – never fulfilled. I do not remember my childhood. No major events happened. I just grew up; spun into motion one day and I promised myself that I will curtail my deficiencies and realize my unfulfilled wishes. I succumb to those desires today. Do not mistake me for a hero of the tragedy; Nobel stature is not my thing. I have set myself in motion for the tragic fall. So hollow are my foundations that knowing what lies ahead, I have chosen the forbidden path. I regret every moment that I am living. All my struggle, all my hard work will mean nothing.