Lear sitting on a chair with a hollow bottom, covered around with a royal red silk on the sides, with a royal coat of arms in the front. Fool is standing next to him.)
Lear: A terrible phantom has been beset on my once good fortune. Curse the evil spirits who linger in the foods we eat, and manfiest their pestilent presence as low fiber. Howl, Howl, how once mighty Lear, the ruler of England with a Divine right, is now inept to control what was bestowed by heavenly father as thy own body; something right under our bossom. O my dear Fool, my forces are exhausted and yet there is no sign of that vile thing.
Fool: The reward of relaxation is to be achieved only after contemplation, manipulation, and exhaustation of the Royal will.
Lear: The power of Christ compells thou: Make haste, make exit - pernicious creature of hell!
O, this inflicting agony! The Lord is indifferent to us. Fool, We must do in our powers what is, to make the Holy Father happy, so He may summon this dwelling serpent back to hell.
Hurry, messenger, messenger!! Take our orders to the general for it is our will to free Jerusulem and start a crusade or two.
(messenger runs out of the room with the message)
Lear: the Royal feast the night past we ate but a whole pig. The royal physician advised us to eat green vegetables before he was put in the stocks.
'Tis agony is my own sin, I cannot agree. I am a man more sinned against than sinned. The visisitude of felicity is a fist full of sand. What art the purpose of this life? 'Tis desired I give up eating, and let the hunger infest on the King?
Fool: Nay, nuncle.
The steadfast and reckless hunger
Is a reaction to an eminent danger.
If one were not to eat in life;
if one were, for food, not strive,
will end up with a spawned web
in between the buttocks' hive.
(Enters Kent)
Kent: My Lord, terrible terrible new ...
Lear: What could be more attrocious than a jamed king, Kent? Speak with our permission.
Kent: The carvan of ration, from town 40 days far, is stuck in a terrible storm they cant escape. The messenger tells of two mountains on each side, and a narrow path in between a haunted forrest, infested with the nastiest creatures of the devil's kingdom lay between them and England. We will all die without food, by Jupiter!
Lear: The jam in my pathway is more stronger than of those mountains. I am applying the last pore of my energy right now to open it.
Blow buttocks, and crack your cheeks! rage! blow!
You cataracts and hurricanoes, spout
Till you have drench'd our steeples, drown'd the cocks!
You sulphurous and thought-executing fires,
Vaunt-couriers to oak-cleaving thunderbolts,
Singe my white mumbling ass! And thou, all-shaking thunder,
Strike flat the the brown beast in me on the ground.
Crack nature's moulds, all germens spill at once
That make me a greatful man!
Fool: nuncle, take it easy. methinks, it works!
Lear: Rumble thy bellyful! Spit, fire! spout, rain!
I owe thou no subscription: then, let fall
Your horrible pleasure; here I sit on flush, your slave,
A poor, infirm, weak, and despis'd old man.
But yet I call you servile ministers,
Your high-engender'd battles 'gainst an ass
So old and white as this. O! O! 'tis foul.
You monstorosity of hell, brown, hard like rock
creature get out of me,
and let me live and eat free.
Kent: My Lord, you are almost there. Alack! bare-headed! I see the vile head of the monster and the stench it bears.
Fool: The brave hector, and the baby hercules,
were confronted to 'tis alike.
The color may had varied
from classic brown to spinach green.
The wise old man must remember
a cucumber a day will keep
vile devil at a bay.
Lear: Room spins, and I faint. O! I faint.
[end scene]
7 comments:
For the best effect, imagine Lawrance Olivier in the role of Lear.
Ooh, you are really clever. I like this vincent!
Nice job.
Not scatological. But didnt you like the mixture of Shakespear's work and mine - the transitions and fool's dialouges?
Dear Vincent, You have made it again. You have Such hormonically orchestrated the dialogues and elaborated the necessity of Dietary Fiber
It makes me scared and confused when you talk all smart-like.
dont worry angela, its only when I am pretending. :)
how bout an update
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